Eating mindfully is a consistent and daily reflection of mine. Susan Albers, PhD, wrote a book called "Eating Mindfully" in 2003. Since discovering her work in January, I've been referencing Dr. Albers' book in my personal exploration of mindful eating. Now that I am exercising vigorously multiple times per day, and/or for extended chunks of time in a day, I'm aware that my body needs clean-burning efficient fuel. Having to think about eating enough and feeling my body fueled is relatively new for me. I'm learning what certain sensations relay "eat more" "no, stop!" or "right there, thats where you want to be." Where I am now, I usually know when I've eaten enough because I ate too much or not enough. Feeling satiated, and mentally accepting that sensation, is difficult. More so than I tell myself it should be. When I'm not stuffed, my mind shouts "but you haven't eaten enough! You won't have enough energy." Is it really the wise part of my mind that tells me to overeat, or the impulsive emotional and often fearful part that usually dominates the conversation? Other times, my mind tells me not to eat what my body needs because the food I selected is a "bad" food. I take it upon myself to declare what foods are immoral, and therefore indicate my level of good-ness as a human being. I can see clearly that allowing myself the taste pleasure of sugary chocolate baked foods does not make me less virtuous or caring of a person, though my conditioned human mind tells me otherwise. Whatever. Sometimes that is the most eloquent response I have to myself - ok, whatever. I'm going to ignore that comment because it was ridiculous. And then move on. The more time I spend debating, my chances for losing the debate increase.
Anyways. So, where I'm at right now is a lot of thinking about what kinds of foods to eat and how much. Today, I thought I ate enough. And it was a day "off" - no 'workout'. Then two hours before I was going to be home for dinner, I felt tired and very hungry. Fairly quickly after eating my pre-dinner supper. Trial and error I suppose. I give myself maximal opportunity for enjoyment and success during the climb if I fuel my body consciously and adequately.
When I was running/jogging a lot late last year, more than once I ended up binge-eating after a couple days of not eating enough. I used to think the overeating was emotionally-driven, but now, after the past couple months of exercising hard and consciously paying attention to what I eat and how I eat it, I think my physical needs were (largely) triggering me to overeat. I don't like the physical sensation of being too full, nor does my body assimilate the nutrients as well. The flipside of eating smaller portions is that I eat every 1-3 hours. I eat all the time. If I allow too much time to pass, I end up cranky and hungry and exhausted. As a former emotional and binge eater, I never thought I'd think "do I have to eat again, already?" Funny how life comes full circle sometimes. Many times.
I don't have an answer; lots of questions and pondering. I think a lot about the types of food I eat - I want to fuel my training and climbing on a vegan diet. My diet is mostly vegan now, and I feel best when I eat lots of plant-based whole foods. I used to obsess about eating strictly vegan; that became a drag and seriously weighed me down mentally. So, now I eat flexibly but the trend is mostly vegan. I recently read "Thrive Fitness" by Brendan Brazier, a professional Ironman Triathlete who eats a strict vegan diet. His choices affirmed to me that it is humanly possible to eat a vegan diet and get the body what it needs. From the biochemistry and nutrition I've studied in and out of school, I know that I can do it physiologically. Mentally convincing myself is another level to the pursuit. There are so many conflicting ideas about nutrition and athleticism (well, really nutrition in general) in the larger nutrition/dietetic world. Its hard for me to know what to believe, what to let go of, how to trust my own experience. I want to be educated about what I eat, yet sometimes that education leads me away from intuiting my body and towards gratifying my insatiable mind.
Eh, its a work in progress. All I can really ever ask for from myself. One thing I've really been into lately is making my own 'energy balls'. Nuts, dates, dried fruits and spices = deliciously satisfying healthy goodness. I love 'em. Oh, and hemp protein/banana/maca/kale/spinach/date/almond milk/coconut butter smoothies. Delish.
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