Travis

I didn't want to do my stairs jog/workout tonight.  Though I felt upbeat after my bike ride home from work, I didn't want to exercise again.  I questioned in my mind "why am I choosing to do this?" 'This' being committed to a training regime to climb a mountain in July; 'this' working as a case manager for a non-profit, 'this' being committed to a plant-based whole foods diet, 'this' being financially and spiritually committed to complete a yoga teacher training over the summer, 'this' choosing to love people in my life when I feel pain - 'this' doing what is hard; really irritatingly excruciatingly fucking hard.

So I jogged to the stairs anyways.   I see a familiar yellow shirt and blue shorts; its a guy I've seen the past two Wednesday evenings.  Last week we ran half my set together; made introductory talk, and fresh off my Sanskrit workshop I educated him on what the word 'yoga' translates to in English.  I left feeling that "I've met a nice new person" connection buzz.  I thought about that gentleman tonight as I rode my bike home from work - "I wonder if he will be there?  I'd like to see him again."

Yep, he was there.  We greeted each other warmly as he went up and I went down.  After three sets   apart, he jogged down my last flight of stairs "I'd like to synch up and talk some more, Andrea."   He remembered the correct pronunciation of my name.  My initial thought was "I kind of just want to get this over with, check out, not be here.  And talking to someone would kind of make that hard."  Then I remembered that I like him, and enjoyed our mutual training last week.  And, selfishly thought "thank god, that will make the time go by faster."  I consented.  

The next 50 minutes divided into roughly two sections - the first 25 minutes were painful - my legs rebelled against the activity, my lungs forced me to pause our conversation from the bottom of the last flight of stairs until I reached the top.  At one point early on, I told him quickly "I'm going to have to finish these before I can answer your question."  It was very challenging for me to get through the set and talk; my heart rate was up, way up, and mentally I was reaching exhaustion.  I love meeting and talking to people I don't know yet - and, it takes some mental agility, intention, and focus; how much depends on how I'm reacting to the other person.  Fortunately, he made it very easy to converse, I think I did more of the talking.  Hence my borderline panic near the top of the set when I was trying to talk and get enough oxygen into my lungs to propel my body upward.  

25 minutes into it, my legs loosened and something wonderful happened.  I relaxed, dove fully into the conversation and forgot about the pain.  The jogging felt smooth, effortless at (brief) times.  I felt so grateful that this person wanted to run with me, and I felt exhilarated at the end of the workout.  I would guarantee with nearly absolute certainty that had I not partnered up, the workout would have sucked.  And, I wouldn't have gone as long.  I would have quit earlier because I would have told myself I couldn't do it.  A comment he made when reflecting back something to me that I said during the course of our conversation tonight stuck with me "oh, so then you decided to start to do things that are hard?"  The shared experience with a person whom I have no contact information for, no last name, no underlying motivation for relating to, enhanced my evening.  Really made a difference in my life today.  

As I walked home, my pre-workout question resurfaced "why am I choosing to do this?"  I don't really know yet.  I like that question.