Artist Point snowshoe

Sabine, Anna, Nathan, Kristen, Mark.  Me.   Saturday, March 26, 2011.

Mt. Baker recreation area.   Artist Point lends a panoramic view of Mt. Shuksan and Mt. Baker.   Shuksan is the mountain featured in the second and last pictures.  Baker in the third picture.  Moderately cloudy day granted partial views of the mountains.   Was clear until near the end of our descent to the parking lot - started snowing and very quickly the clouds lowered and turned gray.   Beautiful, fun trip with great company.  


Baker is one of the potential 'training' peaks for Rainier - the Artist Point trip re-ignited my excitement for the Rainier climb.  I love being in the mountains.  I feel soul-connected when I stand on top of a peak I labored to, and peer at the expanse below me - reminds me of how small I am.    And how fast this life will pass.

Today I had the thought "there isn't infinite time for me to prepare for Rainier."  Every training session, every workout, every mundane daily activity I do despite inner protests, are significant.  Reminds me of a lot of the spiritual wisdom I hear so often in yoga classes and reading self-helpy kind of books - "be in the now" "be present" "this moment is all we have."  One of my spin instructors, Aina, regularly tells us "this is it" and "suck it up."  The "suck it up" part makes me laugh sometimes because it initially seems so different from the gentler approach I hear most often from the instructors at The Samarya Center.  They say "do what works for your body" and "rest if you need to."  Aina says "if you are breathing, you are fine" "give me more" and "you came here to work."  Though the delivery sounds different, is the message?  Both presentations inspire me to dig into facets of my being - "suck it up" ignites my perseverance, while "listen to your body as it is today" invites attentiveness.  Depending on the day, I may fancy being pushed, or may rebel against the blunt and cold feeling delivery of "suck it up."  "But what if I'm tired?  Or injured?  I don't want to 'suck it up', you 'suck it up.' "  There are the days that "do what works for you" feels incredibly boring and patronizing.  Inevitably, I walk into the studio some days with a mind full of sadness and "listen to your body" is the nurturing touch in my day that starts the tears flowing.
                                                                                 Tonight I found the loving, genuine, caring vibe Molly naturally exudes to be exactly what I needed to push through mental dullness to the raw emotion held captive on the other side - waiting for me to acknowledge and caress.  Talk sweetly to.  Encourage forward.                                                                     I don't know what its going to be like to be on Mt. Rainier for three days.  I anticipate it will be difficult, and there will be times, maybe multiple times, I will curse my decision to join the climb.  What will carry me through will be the messages I repeat in my mind - I imagine I will hear a little of "suck it up" and a little of "do what you can", and a lot of gratitude "isn't this  amazing, where I am right now?"

raw update

I'm still in it to win it.  Today is day 15.  The word 'roughage' has context in my life now.  I spent Monday morning/early afternoon in Portland visiting with friends in town from Chicago.   Diana and Stephen. We ate lunch at 'Prasad', located in the same building as the 'Yoga Pearl' studio on Davis St. - I had an exquisite raw entree, the 'Fiesty Tostada' - most flavorful meal I have had in the past two weeks.  De-lish-ka, as my stepmother Suzie likes to say.

I wondered during my drive to Portland early Monday morning, how my raw goal would fit into my visit - being proactive and suggesting the restaurant made it uncomplicated.

Generally, I'd say most days and times of the day, I feel adequately nourished and sated.   After the Mailbox Peak hike on Saturday, I felt depleted.  It took me a couple of days to feel my energy levels back to usual.  In hindsight, I didn't eat enough during the hike, nor drink enough liquids, and I probably pushed myself too hard.  I carried too much weight in my pack for my current body's limits.

I am starting to get a little bored of my now-routine eats - last week I ate at Chaco Canyon twice - helped me deviate from my usual green smoothie/energy balls/ trail mix meals, though was too costly to be a sustainable solution for the duration of my raw pursuit.

I am considering looking up raw recipes online to experiment with 'raw cooking.'

Last night, while at Costco, I fantasized about steamed vegetables - brussels sprouts, broccoli, yams.

I am finding very little, if any, emotional comfort in raw foods - its just not there.   Food is food - nourishing, sensual, energizing, life-supporting sustenance. My co-worker Laurel put it well during a conversation we had last week about raw diets, when she commented that it makes sense to eat raw because the energy goes directly from the sun, into the plant, into people.  Makes sense to me, too.  Makes me wonder about the propaganda from the dairy/meat industries/government-subsidized entities.  There is so much information online about diets and nutrition; I still don't know what to believe.  Seems like everyone has an opinion, and everyone thinks they are right.  And maybe they are - because thats what they believe.  I've been thinking a lot about what I believe; well, sifting through others' ideas,  contemplating, experimenting, exploring.  These past two weeks have given me an opportunity for my personal exploration of my body and nutrition.  I am certainly challenging my own beliefs and fears around what I put into my body, I do believe that.

Mailbox Peak

Training hike to the summit of Mailbox Peak today with Kirsten, Leigh, and Tad.  There is a sign at the trailhead that reads "Warning, this is a strenuous hike.  It is 2.5 miles one way, and you gain 4,000ft of elevation."

Travis

I didn't want to do my stairs jog/workout tonight.  Though I felt upbeat after my bike ride home from work, I didn't want to exercise again.  I questioned in my mind "why am I choosing to do this?" 'This' being committed to a training regime to climb a mountain in July; 'this' working as a case manager for a non-profit, 'this' being committed to a plant-based whole foods diet, 'this' being financially and spiritually committed to complete a yoga teacher training over the summer, 'this' choosing to love people in my life when I feel pain - 'this' doing what is hard; really irritatingly excruciatingly fucking hard.

So I jogged to the stairs anyways.   I see a familiar yellow shirt and blue shorts; its a guy I've seen the past two Wednesday evenings.  Last week we ran half my set together; made introductory talk, and fresh off my Sanskrit workshop I educated him on what the word 'yoga' translates to in English.  I left feeling that "I've met a nice new person" connection buzz.  I thought about that gentleman tonight as I rode my bike home from work - "I wonder if he will be there?  I'd like to see him again."

Yep, he was there.  We greeted each other warmly as he went up and I went down.  After three sets   apart, he jogged down my last flight of stairs "I'd like to synch up and talk some more, Andrea."   He remembered the correct pronunciation of my name.  My initial thought was "I kind of just want to get this over with, check out, not be here.  And talking to someone would kind of make that hard."  Then I remembered that I like him, and enjoyed our mutual training last week.  And, selfishly thought "thank god, that will make the time go by faster."  I consented.  

The next 50 minutes divided into roughly two sections - the first 25 minutes were painful - my legs rebelled against the activity, my lungs forced me to pause our conversation from the bottom of the last flight of stairs until I reached the top.  At one point early on, I told him quickly "I'm going to have to finish these before I can answer your question."  It was very challenging for me to get through the set and talk; my heart rate was up, way up, and mentally I was reaching exhaustion.  I love meeting and talking to people I don't know yet - and, it takes some mental agility, intention, and focus; how much depends on how I'm reacting to the other person.  Fortunately, he made it very easy to converse, I think I did more of the talking.  Hence my borderline panic near the top of the set when I was trying to talk and get enough oxygen into my lungs to propel my body upward.  

25 minutes into it, my legs loosened and something wonderful happened.  I relaxed, dove fully into the conversation and forgot about the pain.  The jogging felt smooth, effortless at (brief) times.  I felt so grateful that this person wanted to run with me, and I felt exhilarated at the end of the workout.  I would guarantee with nearly absolute certainty that had I not partnered up, the workout would have sucked.  And, I wouldn't have gone as long.  I would have quit earlier because I would have told myself I couldn't do it.  A comment he made when reflecting back something to me that I said during the course of our conversation tonight stuck with me "oh, so then you decided to start to do things that are hard?"  The shared experience with a person whom I have no contact information for, no last name, no underlying motivation for relating to, enhanced my evening.  Really made a difference in my life today.  

As I walked home, my pre-workout question resurfaced "why am I choosing to do this?"  I don't really know yet.  I like that question.

6 days and 4 pennies

I found four, face-up pennies today - three were on separate sequential steps in a stairwell and the other lying on the sidewalk on the Yesler bridge over I-5.

I can't help but think that perhaps my raw diet (the picture above is dinner) contributed to the clear and observant state of mind I was in that led to me noticing pennies on the ground, twice.  I picked them up and put them in my pocket.  I valued those pennies. I'm six days in and committed.  The green goodness in my glass consists of -

four leaves of lacinato kale
 half a granny smith apple
 half a ripe bosc pear
 a cup-ish of green cabbage.

If I hadn't been so hungry and impatient when I made the smoothie, I also would have added a chunk of fresh ginger.

It tastes refreshing, subtly sweet, and surprisingly not a hint of the bitterness I would expect from anything containing leafy greens.

I felt a dull ache in my head over much of the weekend; my energy was sluggish until Sunday evening, I physically felt little hunger and had a large emotional appetite.  It took me a couple of days of paying attention to why I wanted to eat when I did, to discover when my body needed nourishment and when my mind was trying to sneak one in on me.  Overall, its been easier than I anticipated to eat raw.  Its becoming an adventure in trying something new and letting go of what I think about how I'm supposed to eat and what is healthy for me.  Fixed ideas get in my way of where I'm trying to get to, and that place is actually right where I am.  Often, I just don't know thats where I really want to be.

Being comfortable being present is hard; without some kind of food additive, stimulant, or depressive (or other kind of stimulant or depressive), my mind has nothing to deaden this human experience - the one in which a myriad of emotions flush my system constantly - if I could ride out the initial rush, I know calmness will return, cleaner and clearer.   If it was that easy, I probably wouldn't be thinking about or talking about it.

 On Saturday I made homemade almond milk - was delicious.  1/4 cup almonds soaked for 6-7 hours, 2 cups water, a dash of maple syrup (or not).  Last night I made homemade 'energy balls' with ground pumpkin, flax, and salba seeds, with almonds and dates.  I'm having fun experimenting with foods that are new to me.  Making mental notes of what trials from this experiment I want to repeat when its over.   I've noticed a shift in my perception of and appreciation for the energetic qualities of raw, unprocessed foods.

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 3 Summits fun from the weekend - on Saturday I went on a training hike in the rain to Rattlesnake Ledge  with a fellow climber, Leigh, and a friend she went to Nepal with last year - they helped build one of the schools that previous 3 Summits climbs funded.  Listening to Leigh and Alicia talk about Nepal inspired  me to visit; trekking in the Himalayas is certainly a dream and to have a personalized motivation to go makes a trip seem like it could happen one day.   My activities were adequately fueled by the raw foods I ate over the weekend - one notch on the climbing-Rainier-is-possible-on-an-exclusive-raw-food-diet post.

Lent and 40 days of raw food

 I was feeling a bit mentally frazzled earlier this week-  I decided to 'give up' cooked food for Lent as the solution to my mental muddiness and grasping for tranquility -  now I have 36 more days of eating raw food. It might be notable to say that I have never 'given up' anything for Lent, or really celebrated the practice any other years of my life - why I decided to dive into the religious practice is a funny mystery to me.  And, a testament to how swiftly my mind will cling to an idea outside of myself - hey whatever works, works if it works.
During lunch today, as I watched a co-worker eat her tofu sandwich, spring rolls, and danish, I speared my salad unappreciatively and thought "this sucks.  I don't want to do this.  WHAT was I THINKING?"  Then a colleague commented genuinely to me "that salad looks exciting."  I looked blankly at her and gave a quarter-hearted "yeah..."  Then a couple others chimed in "no, it does look really good."  True, very true.  It was a delicious salad.  And, I didn't want to be eating it in that moment.  I wanted something warm that would fill my stomach and quell my emotions. I had a conversation with the lunch group about my raw intention, which sealed the deal - I outed myself, bumped up my chances of following through.

My impulse decision to 'go raw' was largely and primarily inspired by Tim VanOrden.  I stumbled upon his  website/project ( http://runningraw.com/ )  This guy is a professional athlete who eats a 100% raw diet, and started five years ago.  Coupled with the 'Thrive Fitness' book I read by vegan triathlete Brendan Brazier, Tim V.'s testimony opened a possibility in  my mind that I could eat a raw, vegan diet AND train for Mt. Rainier.  We'll see how forty days goes - earlier today I felt irritable, grouchy, flighty in the mind, and had an unproductively short attention span.  After eating a sensually gratifying raw meal at the 'Thrive' restaurant in Ravenna off 65th Street for dinner, my spirits are reignited for raw.  Updates on my prognosis to follow.

The decision to go raw for forty days reminds me of a part in the classical yogic text -
the "Bhagavad Gita"
"(3:8) Perform those actions which your duty dictates, for action is better than inaction.  Without action, indeed, even the act of maintaining life in the body would not be possible."

The analysis in the book I have, written by Swami Kriyananda, offers that this passage indicates we as humans ought to do what it is our 'karma' - what we as an individual are slated to do in this world, and to tackle whatever challenge is directly in front of us and feasible to accomplish, rather than try to solve our most deepest, difficult problem - each step in the way is a step forward towards the ultimate goal, whatever that may be for each person.

I've swung on the continuum with food and diets - from a picky/no vegetables-or-I'll-throw-a-fit child to fast foodie carnivorous teen, to low-calorie sugar/fat free anorexic vegetarian older teen/young twenty, to part-time vegan, part-time bulimic junk-foodie early twenties, to moderately balanced vegetarian adult who has a new Vita-Mix blender and is a serious green smoothie convert.  I wonder every so often what and how a 'normal' person eats, and often use that wondering to throw assaults at the way I choose to eat - and that isn't helpful - there are raw foodists out there, and fast foodists, and in the end, its all ok.  We're all going to choose what we want, and it really is up to us to make that choice.  Sometimes committing to a choice is the most difficult part.  Particularly when it feels really hard.

gear

A couple of nights ago one of the co-directors of '3 Summits', Eddie, and one of the rope leaders for my team, Brett, held a 'gear clinic' at Brett's house for those of us wanting to see what supplies/technical equipment/clothing we will need for the summit attempt.   Brett and Eddie displayed their fully equipped packs, and let each of us try them on to feel the weight.   Our packs will weigh roughly forty-five pounds when stocked with equipment, food, and water.  Forty-five pounds feels manageable when hefting the pack on my back for 30 seconds in the middle of a living room - slogging forty-five pounds 5,000 feet up a snow-covered mountain wearing heavy boots is a rather different experience.  If my Wonderland Trail escapade from last summer is any indication of my pack's comfort, I am re-evaluating getting a different one.  I came home from four long days of hiking with 40-50 pounds on my back with raw, bruised, bloody hipbones and a deflated morale.

What I learned: I have a fair amount of the gear already (tent, sleeping bag, stove, some clothing, crampons)
and
I have some shopping to do.

 Notably, I need to purchase
-helmet
-ice axe
-boots
-harness

Eddie emailed the 3 Summits climbers today to alert us of a sale Outdoor Research started today, that will extend through Sunday.  I dipped out of a co-workers farewell fiesta for an hour this evening after work to check the sale out.  Was worth my time - I found three clothing items I was lacking (base shirt, hiking pants, and liner gloves), and got them all for under $90.    During the gear clinic, Eddie made the comment that when it comes to gear and clothing, there are three main differentiations - comfort, weight, and cost.  Usually, a piece of gear or clothing will fit into two of the sectors-  If something is comfortable and light, it is probably very expensive.  If something is cheap and comfortable, its likely heavy, etc.

I asked Eddie what our itinerary will be on the mountain - roughly it will break down like this:

-drive to Mt. Rainier on Friday morning, eat a hefty late breakfast/early lunch.  Hike up with fully stocked packs to base camp.  Set up camp, sleep.
-Saturday - spend the day melting snow for water, going for a day hike.  Early to bed.
-Sunday 1-2 AM - wake up, fill packs with basic food, water, and emergency survival provisions.  Attempt to summit.  Probably get to the summit 5-6 hours later.    Return to base camp, pack camp, hike down to cars.